By
Maureen Shaw
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Maureen Shaw
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Being a parent has presented me with
more challenges than I ever thought possible, both as a human being with finite
patience and as a feminist. I struggle with how to raise a girl in a society
that is replete with violence, rape apologia, attempts to thwart women's access
to healthcare, unequal pay, racism, sexism and a plethora of other social ills.
I want my daughter to be aware of these
realities and uphill battles without letting them beat her down or dilute her
potential. So what's a list-loving feminist parent to do? Write a list of
lessons, of course.
1. Having a vagina isn't a disability.
It's a superpower.
2. In that vein, having a period isn't
a curse. It makes you uniquely qualified to create and sustain life, if you so
choose.
3. Speaking of choice, only you
can/should make the choice of if/when you would like to become a parent. Sure,
some day I'd like grandbabies, but if -- and only if -- you're ready to make
'em.
4. Your lady parts, while powerful, are
not your only defining characteristic. You also have a brain, a sense of humor
and a million other qualities that make you awesome.
5. Sex is for pleasure, too. It's not
just for baby-making.
6. Safe sex is sexy sex. And by safe, I
don't just mean rubberized. By safe, I also mean consensual, comfortable and
emotionally safe.
7. It's never OK to judge someone based
on perceptions of their outward appearance or identities -- this includes skin
color, sexual orientation, gender identity, physical abilities, etc.
8. Knowledge is power. Read, engage in
thoughtful discourse, question authority. You'll be a better person for doing
so.
9. Be an ally, not a White Knight. Lend
an ear, your support and compassion; don't try and "save" someone.
10. Understand that every person has a
different story and background, and that each story and background has value.
11. Your jean size is just a number on
a tag. It doesn't even begin to define your worth.
12. Neither does your bra size.
13. Love your body for what it can do,
not for what it looks like.
14. I don't care if a guy buys you the
most expensive dinner -- or jewelry, clothing, what-have-you -- on the planet.
You owe him nothing.
15. Laugh and smile as often as
possible, even -- hell, especially -- in the face of adversity.
16. Know your financial worth and
advocate for yourself. Ask for that promotion, raise, lead on a project; no one
else will fight for you.
17. Support other girls and women,
don't demean or judge them. We need each other. Believe me.
18. Raise your voice -- but never your
fists -- to demand justice for yourself and for others.
19. Vote. Seriously, vote. And
not just in presidential elections, but in local and state ones, too.
20. Vote with your wallet, too. Support
pro-choice, women-led, women-friendly businesses.
21. Travel whenever possible. Even if
you can't physically travel to a far-off locale, read about it. Watch
documentaries. Exposure to other cultures is paramount to building tolerance
and understanding.
22. Use your [financial, racial,
educational] privilege for good. You have resources and a voice that, for
various reasons, will be heard louder than others'. It's your duty to use it to
help others and to help stem oppression.
23. Having pretty eyes or silky hair is
nice. But it's nowhere near as beautiful as having self-confidence and passion.
24. It's OK to like what your friends
like -- if you genuinely like it, too. But don't be afraid to stand apart from
the crowd and be passionate about something that isn't popular or
"cool."
25. Never misconstrue sexual harassment
or catcalling for compliments.
26. Yes means yes.
27. Just because you're a female
doesn't mean you have to get married and have babies. It's not for everyone,
and that's totally OK.
28. Don't apologize for the sake of
apologizing. Women tend to say "I'm sorry" for the littlest offenses
-- like, standing in a grocery store aisle when someone else wants to walk down
it too. It's annoying and unnecessary.
29. Don't be afraid to be "bossy."
30. Have your own bank account.
Financial independence is crucial for your well-being.
31. Only date pro-choice guys (if
you're into guys). You deserve better than to be in a relationship with someone
who thinks it's OK to tell you what you can/should do with your body.
32. This is a big one: never, ever,
ever get complacent. You may have the right to vote, access to birth control
and the ability to date who you want, but it wasn't always this way. Women
fought and died for these rights you currently enjoy. And your generation has
its own struggles carved out to fight.
Maureen Shaw is founder and
editor-in-chief, sherights.com
This post first appeared on sherights.com.
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