By Amanda Lamb
Raleigh, N.C. — Facebook, Instagram,
Snapchat, Tumblr, Vine, Pinterest and FaceTime – those are just a few of the
online platforms children are using to stay connected to friends. With each new
social media connection, experts say it’s crucial for parents to be vigilant
about monitoring their children’s online activity.
Tammy Finch works as a psychologist at
Cary Academy and teaches parents how to navigate the digital age. She says
parents need to be the guardrails on the superhighway of online information.
“You've got to let your kid ping around
a little bit in between the guardrails so that they can learn from their
mistakes,” she said.
Kalyse Connor, 12, learned from her
mistake after she began collecting random followers online who shared her love
of the movie, “The Hunger Games.” Her mother, Angela Connor, intervened and
asked if she knew any of the people she was communicating with on Instagram.
“I didn’t know any of them, and I
realized how bad that was,” Kalyse said.
“So, we went through and deleted all of
the people, but I made her understand why,” Angela Connor said. “You don't even
know if this is a girl. You don't know if it is a teen.”
This mother-daughter interaction is
exactly how experts say parents should handle their children's foray into the
digital world, especially as young people are embracing technology.
Angela Connor manages social media for
a communications company in Raleigh and is well-versed in her two daughters’
online lives. She and her husband, Derek Connor, do not allow their girls to go
on any social network without their permission.
“I think we have to be involved as
parents. It's not OK to say, ‘Oh, I don't know. We didn't do that when I was kid,’”
Angela Connor said. “It's really important for parents to understand that they
have to do this. This is part of raising children now.”
“These things stick with you forever.
We don't know what college applications are going to be like in six years. Are
they going to Google you? Are they going to go back and look at your Facebook
page and see the things you posted?” Derek Connor added.
The Connors’ youngest daughter,
7-year-old Kaiya, is just starting to interact online, especially on Animal Jam
– a National Geographic website for children – but she knows the rules: “If you
talk rude, someone can report you, and I think when they report you, you won't
be able to play again.”
“Your child could be out there being
victimized. They could be a victim of cyber-bullying. They could be the
cyber-bully,” Angela Connor said.
Kalyse says she has made fewer
mistakes, thanks to her mother's guidance, and has learned some important
ground rules: “Don't talk to anybody you don't know. Don't post pictures of
people without their permission.”
From threats to sexual references,
social media is ripe with opportunities for children to make big mistakes. Last
April, North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper and a Facebook representative
hosted a town hall meeting for parents about the dangers of social media.
Cooper offered this Internet safety checklist for parents:
- How much time is your child spending online? Does it seem like it's too much?
- Has your child received phone calls from any strange people?
- Has your child received unusual mail or gifts?
- Has your child tried to hide online activity?
- Is your child experiencing any sudden or substantial changes in behavior?
Finch says parents she talks with worry
most about whether their children are posting things online that might hurt
others or damage their own reputations. When children make a bad choice online,
it can be public and permanent.
“Educate yourself. Educate your child.
Stay on top of it. Enforce consequences. Have a lot of dialogue about it,” she
said. “You only gradually allow them more independence and freedom as they
demonstrate they're capable of using it responsibly.”
The Connors say their daughters are
gaining their trust when it comes to using the computer, phones and other
devices, but the girls know that nothing is kept secret from mom and dad.
“The rule is that I can come look at
what you're doing at any given time, that there's really no privacy. You have
no privacy in this house,” Angela Connor said.
For Kalyse, being connected online is a
big deal for middle school students her age. “Yeah, it’s huge!” she said,
especially having her own phone. “It's so important. I text my friends on it. I
go on Instagram. I text my mom and dad with it.”
In a recent parent seminar, Finch
warned parents that keeping technology away from their children isn’t the
answer, and fear-based education doesn’t work. Those who deny their children
access to the Internet and social media are setting themselves up for a power
struggle, “and you’re not going to win,” she said.
“Technology is going to play a huge
part in your child's life, if it doesn't already,” Finch said. “The problem is
children's brains aren't ready for this powerful new tool. So that means we
have to function as that part of the brain that they don't have … I allow a lot
of independence, until you cross that line into doing something that's unsafe
or dangerous, and then I'm all over you.”
Source:
http://www.wral.com
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